This is a different sort of post; I had an experience last week that I want to talk about.
Last week, for the first time in a long time, I tied a person who is my friend and a fellow top.
And I had an ulterior motive.
My friend has a very freaking busy life. She’s the leader of a local BDSM group; she is a full time mum; she is the Dominant of two submissives.
That is a shit ton of responsibility.
She works her ass off, all the time; keeping an eye on the dynamics of the group, organizing events, raising a precocious little toddler, keeping her poly relationships running with a lot of talking and negotiation.
She is the boss, all the time. She hardly ever gets to turn off. She has been keeping everything going by staying on top of things – so much so that she does it automatically now, and actually “letting go” takes more and more of an effort of will for her.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had actually seen her just relax and tune out.
So yes; an ulterior motive.
I tied her up. I took away all her responsibility, just for a short space of time, and for a few minutes there, she was able to just relax. She could hear conversations going, but she wasn’t actively participating or following them. She was limp and boneless and smiling.
And I really liked doing that for her.
Sometimes, rope bondage isn’t about making a sexy thing happen. Sometimes, it’s something you do for a friend, because you care about them, because you want them to be able to relax and just be themselves for a few minutes without having to be all their different roles. Not a leader, not a mum; just her. Limp and happy and without responsibility.
BDSM can be like that; sometimes it’s about doing something for someone that just lets them have that outlet, that space, where they can be a self that they don’t often get to be. It’s an incredibly valuable thing. It can make you be incredibly present in the moment; not thinking about your day, or your future; not thinking about the things that have to happen next week, or tomorrow.
Just now, just here.
Focused on the person interacting with you, the sensations you’re experiencing, the feelings that you’re having. Really and thoroughly and completely you, with no distraction but the enjoyable things happening.
Removed from every day reality for a few very special moments, minutes, hours.
It’s a wonderful thing.
