When I was first starting out with rope, I had trouble understanding the appeal of it. I certainly had no idea of how popular it was, the doors it could open, and the many benefits it could add to my life.
Which, by the way, were significant.
And I think the reason why I was so in the dark, was because nobody in mainstream society really talks about it. They might mention that someone “likes being tied up” and nod and wink and chuckle about it, but they don’t tend to go into further detail. It’s left a mystery.
Which is freaking frustrating for people who want to know more about it!
It can be difficult for people to understand the appeal of rope without someone actually taking the time to point the way, to give them a starting point. I know it took me a long time, because nobody actually went to the trouble to articulate it. They expected me to somehow mysteriously know. And when I didn’t know, it felt like that old childish thing, “If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.”
Which is probably a little unfair – maybe they didn’t know how to say it. But that’s how it felt.
I don’t want that for other people. So I’m going into endless amounts of detail on the “why”, and the “what” as well as the “how”.
This is information that is probably most useful for when you’re starting out; but it’s information that I wish I’d had back at the beginning of my journey. So I’ve put together a brief list of some of the benefits that come to my mind when I think about the fun and joy of playing with rope.
A note: different people find different benefits and different things to enjoy in rope. I wouldn’t expect everyone to appreciate all the things about rope; but if there’s something in this post that ignites a spark, something that really appeals, then I’d say there’s a very high likelihood that rope bondage is for you.
THE BENEFITS:
Versatility/Cost Effective Toys
For couples exploring bondage, rope is one of the most versatile, cost effective means of restraint available. BDSM toys can be EXPENSIVE. Rather than spending hundreds of dollars on expensive leather cuffs (that can only restrain in a couple of ways) and a high priced flogger, couples who invest in a few lengths of rope for less than the price of the cuffs can create an almost infinite variety of restraints; they can also create blindfolds, gags, impact toys (including floggers), and anything else their imaginations can conjure. And once they’re done with one thing, they can untie it and use it for something else, before storing their rope neatly in a drawer.
Demonstrable Skill
The benefits are similar for a new dominant; however, not only does the new dominant have a VERY affordable set of restraints and toys in his or her few lengths of rope, they also have a clearly demonstrable skill, one that’s taken time and patience to learn. That is freaking GOLD when exploring the possibilities of connection or play with a submissive; because any self respecting submissive will be looking for something to respect in a prospective dominant. Demonstrating patience, appreciation of safety, skill and confidence with your rope will definitely get you started on that. It’s also a great way to create friendships and earn respect in the BDSM community; building your skill, demonstrating it responsibly, and sharing it (without being an arrogant prick) will go a long way with others.
Extra Satisfaction
For the rope top, there’s multiple levels of satisfaction in working with rope. You get to master the rope; learning its intricacies, how it moves, how to control it; and then you get to use that mastery and knowledge to affect and control another person. Effectively dominating both your rope and the person tied in your rope. There’s something very appealing about that idea…
Decoration
When you tie a person up, you can make them look freaking HOT. There are so many decorative ways to tie someone, but some examples; corset harnesses, “damsel in distress” ties, spiderwebs, any number of intricate and appealing ties. (This is why rope bondage photos are so damn popular on Fetlife). You can tie a person in such a way as to provocatively show off their assets “against their will”, and you can use it to accentuate, accessorize, and highlight just how hot a person is; and why you want to ravish them so badly 😉
I don’t know about you, but I love making a person feel sexy; And it’s definitely fun showing off the combination of their sexiness with my ropework.
Opportunities For Relationships
Skills with rope bondage can open doorways and bring you relationships you might not otherwise have. Fun fact; there is a very significant percentage of the population who wonder, are curious about, or who actively fantasize about being tied up. Another fun fact: compared to the general population, there aren’t really that many people skilled with rope around…Therefore, people with rope skills gain significant value and attraction points to this percentage, and are in high demand. It’s always nice to have a few extra selling points and opportunities – as well as new and different ways to connect with people.
Exploring Connection and Intensity
Rope does not create connection (people do) but holy hell does it facilitate it when applied appropriately. How you tie a person, the interaction between your feelings and theirs, the way they become focused on you and your movements, and your awareness of them in your rope… it’s something that has to be experienced to truly be understood or appreciated. It’s intense. It can deepen and intensify relationships like you would not believe; through trust, through shared experience, through closeness and intimacy. Some people tie others without ever having it turn sexual; because they don’t need it to. The closeness, the intimacy, the connection; that’s what they get out of it.
Helping People Become Art
Rope bondage and photography can transform a person from being their everyday selves to being an amazing piece of art. That’s a very empowering thing for some, especially those who really love the immortality or expressionism of art. Others find it a wonderfully transformative experience which allows them to see and experience their own beauty in new ways.
Creating Art (with or without tying someone up)
When you develop skill at tying, you can apply it to different arenas. Rope can provide an unusual means of interacting with your environment. It is possible to create some amazing art with no human models at all; but rather through using rope to bind objects, control space, and effect symbolic meanings or representations through suggesting at certain shapes. Colour of rope, environment, objects, types and style of tying; all of it plays a part in your finished piece.
Rough Play/Capture
Sometimes rope bondage is about the struggle; being caught, overpowered, tied mean and hard and rough, until finally the person in rope has to give in, to admit defeat. That can be what arouses ; being overpowered, mastered, captured by someone else’s skill and strength, having them “earn” the right to do as they want with the tied up person’s body. There can be S&M elements involved; trust me, it is not difficult at all for a rope top to provide harsher sensations for those that enjoy them. Other times it’s more about the enjoyment of (consensual and negotiated) fantasies of non-consent. Which can be pretty fun, when properly negotiated/discussed first.
Submission/Freedom
Other times rope bondage creates an opportunity for a person in rope to submit to the whim of the other; the ties, the positions, the speed and mood, all decided upon and made to happen by the person tying. They can find it incredibly freeing; suddenly there’s no performance anxiety at all, because the other person makes all the decisions. Some people have even found themselves able to orgasm in bondage when they never, ever could before. Others have just gotten a massive happy from obeying or submitting. Being a human canvas for art, or a subject for “science ” (creating new ties, testing new knots, etc) can be immensely satisfying for the submissively inclined. It may have nothing to do with play; and everything to do with serving, being useful, or making someone else happy. (I personally haven’t had that experience, but I am assured by submissives I know that this is so.)
So this has been a fairly brief post, covering some of the different enjoyments and benefits that rope can bring. There’s a lot I haven’t even touched on (suspension, for example). If you feel you have a perspective or benefit not covered, add it below! I’ll enjoy reading about it.
Meditation!
In addition to these benefits, the single-minded focus on my partner and the rope acts almost like a moving mindfulness meditation- I always find that my mind is calmer and I am more relaxed and clear-headed after a good session.
Obviously, tying while truly agitated is likely to be unsafe, but tying can quiet the “monkey brain” for a while.
Heh. I have considered whether rope bondage would make for a good meditation for myself. It is a very good way to distract myself from the day and get very into the moment. That said, I usually end up having so much fun that “calm” is not a word I could use to describe the experience at all!
I say “calm” meaning that it quiets my anxieties and stops me from thinking about 50 thousand things at once. Other aspects of it are DEFINITELY not calm…
Hahaha now THAT I definitely relate to!
This is so extremely helpful! I definitely suffer from performance anxiety and crave intimacy. I recently met someone skilled with rope and now I can give him better answers about what I want.
You know what, it always really perks me up when I get feedback like that – it’s really good to know that the stuff I’m sharing is helpful. Thanks!
I feel that much more connected to my wife now that we gotten into rope bondage. For me, half the fun is the anticipation the day or two before our rope time. Thinking, imagining And visualizing what’s gonna be like tying her up is exhilarating! She tells me that the feeling of completely belonging to me in that moment is mind blowing to her!