Rope Scenes At Kinky Parties

One of the interesting things about getting involved in kink is accessing a secret little world of other kinksters who are also getting their kink on. 

It’s exciting! In your more vanilla groups and settings, people would hardly imagine that kinky people have gatherings, conventions, parties or giant events. Talk about a well kept secret! It makes you feel like a spy. With a secret identity. Attending secret things. 

And those parties that are held by kinksters are also exciting. You get to see and interact with other kinksters socially, and sometimes you get to see them play and do their own kinky thing, in front of other people. 

And sometimes, you too get to do those kinky things – if you want to. If it excites you. If it gives you that sense of thrill. 

I’ve been doing this for a few years, and have really enjoyed it. But when it comes to rope, there is some specific advice that I’d really like to give you, in order to help you have the best chance possible to have an awesome rope bondage scene at a party. 

There are a lot of cool things that can happen at kink parties, and there are some features that are really helpful to be aware of. 

Some examples include:

• Nifty BDSM dungeon furniture which you may not see in other places. 

• First aid and “cleaning supply” stations, which is not something you expect to see set up in most parties. Though maybe they should be? 

• Getting to see other people have kinky scenes. This is particularly awesome, because it not only “normalizes” your perception of the kinky things you do, making it feel more acceptable, but also gives you neat ideas. Additionally, it can be really hot to watch. 

And then there’s socialising with all your fellow kinksters, which admittedly, is terrifying at first. But once you start to talk and converse, you realise that they’re all kinky people from all walks in life and they all have something in common – they tend to get geeky over their kinky stuff as much as you. Once you realize that basically you have your normal range of people, but with kinky interests as well, it’s easier to relax and enjoy yourself.

Like any group, there are people you will like, people you won’t like, and any mix in between. Basically, just people being people. 

There is often also a different cultural etiquette at parties.

As an example, it’s sometimes considered inappropriate to ask what a person’s real name is, and they’ll often introduce themselves as something that sounds a bit made up. 

That’s because in many places, being kinky or involved in BDSM carries a major stigma, so many people separate their kink identities from their real life identities until they feel they can trust you not to “out” them. Same goes for asking about someone’s job or work. 

Another interesting point of play party etiquette is that often, social spaces and play spaces are separated, so that the sound of someone socializing does not interfere with people getting their kink on. It’s usually considered very rude to be loud and social in the play room. 

Eventually, over time, it’s often the case that you’ll decide it would be interesting to try your own public scene.

Not everyone does this, and it’s perfectly fine not to – but many people find the opportunities to “play” in a public environment to be a really interesting one. 

Also, look at all that dungeon and bondage furniture… not many of us have those things lying around at home!

So for people who ARE interested in doing your own scene at a public party, here’s a bit of a guide before that happens. 

Planning Your Own Public Scene

The first thing it’s helpful to do when even thinking about planning a scene at a party, is having a discussion with the person you’re hoping to play with. 

Useful things to cover in that discussion include, but are not limited to:

• What kind of activities are you both comfortable doing in front of other people? 

• What would be a good way to start the scene, and a good way to end the scene, so that you both know when you’ve started and when you’ve finished?

• If something isn’t quite working for the two of you, how will you signal that to each other?

• Under what circumstances might you decide you’ve changed your mind and you’re not comfortable playing tonight, and are both parties okay with calling it off if one is uncomfortable?

Those ideas are specific to playing at a party; but here’s some more thoughts on negotiating if you’re looking for some. Rope Bondage The Smart Way contains the specifics that I use.

The next thing that it’s really helpful to do is to scope out the venue on arrival. 

If your plan for your scene requires specific furniture or props, then you want to make sure that they’re actually there, and how to access them.

Some pieces of dungeon furniture are in very high demand. A St Andrews Cross, for example, is usually highly sought after. It’s sexy as hell to have a scene using one of those. So often people will need to book a piece of furniture for a particular time slot during the night. 

Rope areas can also be highly sought after – if there’s only one suspension point, and you have a lot of rope people in your area, then they’ll often be lining up to use it. These things will need to be taken into account for your scene. 

If the furniture or props that you want are NOT there, then now’s a good time to think about how you can adapt your plan. 

You’ll also want to know if there’s a designated “recovery area” or “aftercare area”. Often there will be; and it’s good to know where that is so that you and your partner can relax there for a bit post scene, depending on what your aftercare requirements are. 

Now, here’s a piece of advice specific to your rope bondage scenes in play parties. 

There are all sorts of activities that can happen in a play party, and for whatever reason, in different locations they’ll get different amounts of respect. As an example, in some places heavy impact with canes etc are very respected, and people’s etiquette around that activity is always on point. 

Less obviously dramatic, or less “scary” activities often don’t get the same level of deference, and for whatever reason, people tend to feel more comfortable talking and socializing nearby. 

Etiquette levels around these can really differ according to the culture in your area, and that can really impact on your rope scene. 

I recall an example where I was having fun tying someone into a cage – or, I had planned to be having fun. It was a designated play area in a new venue. 

But neither myself nor the other person could really get into a fun kinky headspace – because a few meters away, a person with an obnoxiously carrying voice was discussing the merits of different kinds of Wi-Fi systems. 

It was a horribly mundane and irritating thing to have to listen to while we were trying to get our kink on, and it broke the scene. We ended it feeling completely dissatisfied, and not particularly sexy or kinky at all.

Afterwards, I had a bit of a think about how to prevent that from happening again. 

Here’s the piece of advice I would recommend if you don’t know the culture of the party well, and you want to have an increased chance of having a great rope scene. 

Before your scene starts, locate a dungeon monitor.

Dungeon monitors, or DM’s, are people tasked to facilitate play and maintain the safety of the space. They keep an eye out for unsafe play, or people looking like they’re breaching consent, but, very importantly, they also maintain the etiquette of the play party by reminding all the talkers to take it out to the social space, or otherwise shut up. 

Basically, they’re the unsung heroes of the kink scene. They help to make it all possible!

I advise you to locate one of these people, well before your scene. Explain that you’re not sure people will respect the etiquette around an activity like a rope scene, and ask them to mind any onlookers who are talking loudly in the play space. 

It cannot be overstated how important and useful this can be.

People often forget the rules, and without a DM or leadership figure to help maintain the etiquette, all that stuff goes out the window pretty fast, which was what had happened to me in my previous example. That party only had one or two DM’s, and I had neglected to enlist one to protect my scene. 

After your scene, and your aftercare, it’s a great opportunity to enjoy the party, thank the DM, socialize, and revel in the buzz. I often find that when I have a scene earlier in the party, that the buzz from that scene lasts throughout the rest of the time there, fuelling awesome conversations and interactions with people. No alcohol required!

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