There’s a starting point in the journey of everyone who wants to learn rope bondage.
And that starting point can be all kinds of things, from seeing someone tied up in a movie and getting an unexpected thrill, to taking an interest in climbing and working with rope and suddenly wanting to do other things with it.
All too often though, that starting point comes about when our ever so lovely partners suddenly turn to us with little to no warning and say “I want to be tied up”.
Gulp.
internal screaming “What? Why? How do I do that?”
It’s happened to so many of us!
Today I’m sharing the story of one of my readers who got landed with that exact same challenge, and who took it on like a freaking champion. I’ve had the privilege to ask him a few questions and get more of his story, so I could share it with other people who are learning.
K’s Story
How did your rope bondage journey begin?
My story with rope began while my wife was across the room reading a book. It was just another mundane evening. She looked up from her book and said “I think you should learn Shibari”. I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. I checked in with Google to enlighten myself and followed up with the question: “do you mean like macrame on a person with a bondage twist?” She said “yes, that”.
(Ebook example picked at random… Funnily enough, just before K emailed me, I’d had a very similar experience with a different kink from a book my partner had been reading… kinky romance novels, man. Dangerous.)
How did you feel when you were starting out?
I was scared. Shibari looked complicated and risky with people hanging from the ceiling and all that.
What obstacles did you overcome? What did you find useful in doing that?
I went back to the internet to see if I could find something more that would show me details of how it went. After combing through some pretty weird stuff, I found “Rope Bondage The Smart Way”. Reading your blog and getting the book taught me that people didn’t need to hang from the ceiling to have fun and the basic knots weren’t hard. Thank you for the lessons.
Initially, I started practicing the knots by tying them on myself. After all, if I was going to tie up another person, I wanted to know what that person was going to experience, at least physically.
When I had a couple of weeks of practice by myself and was able to do a few ties that didn’t look bad, I asked her to practice with me. I discovered that tying her up is hot stuff. Damned hot.
What did your first success experience look and feel like for you and your partner?
The first time that we actually went all in, we kept it simple. Following your suggestion, our up front discussion of boundaries, including her knowing that she was really the one in control and she could stop the whole thing at any time with just a word, was a winner. It set the right mood.
I didn’t try anything complicated, just a few of the ties that I’d learned from reading your book. A bit of teasing and taunting as I did the ties, dragging the rope slowly across sensitive places, etc. did the trick.
When we were finished, there was a puddle of rope on our bed with a satisfied woman in the middle. I couldn’t have done that without you.
(Ye gods man, I’m blushing over here)
What would you recommend for others on the same journey?
I like that safety and attention to detail are part of the lessons in your book. After 30+ years together, the last thing I want to do is hurt my wife, so safety is important.
Practicing is also important as we progress. We’re learning together what works for us. For example, early on we found out that she absolutely doesn’t want to do anything with her hands tied over her head. It was a safe situation, but not something that she wanted to do. If any tie we try in practice gets a negative reaction, we just don’t do it again.
As we continue and get a little more into it, I’ve found it helps to talk to her as I tie. Simple things like “how does that feel? “, “is it too tight?” as well as emotions as she’s being constrained. That level of communication might not be for everyone, but it works for us.
Useful Points:
First off, I’m really proud of this guy. I got a series of emails from him as he progressed, and it was absolutely awesome to see his progress. Especially after his and his wife’s first rope session!
K did things exactly right, after a hell of a shock.
He didn’t dive in with no idea about what he was doing (I tried that once, it did not go well)– he put in the time to do the research FIRST.
Then, he practiced his ass off, and developed some skills.
Once he’d done that, he did a little practice with his wife, and when that was complete…
He got his wife and himself an amazing time and success experience… by keeping it simple.
Best of all, he’s not doing things according to some script of “how people should do rope bondage”. He and his wife are communicating, and he’s adapting flexibly to what works for them – and that’s exactly the kind of strategy that can keep people enjoying rope and rope bondage for years to come.
This stuff is freaking gold. I LIVE for success stories like this!
I’ve had a few success stories come my way over the years, and I really enjoy turning them into case studies for other people to read – I think it helps to know how other people approach these things, and reduces the overall anxiety, you know?
If anyone else has awesome success stories to contribute, or photos to add, I’d love to show case them.
