How To Make Time For Kink And Sex

I had an email asking me how people fit kinky scenes into their week when they’re working full time and have a lot going on. Fair enough! I can definitely relate to the difficulties there.

I figured it probably wasn’t just this person who had that problem, so here comes another post with the strategies I’m using at the moment. 

Making time for sex and scenes can be pretty hard when you’re trying to live a well rounded life!

My pet and I experience challenges with this all the time. 

We’re both determined to have lives that have a wide range of things going on, and in any given week, our days might contain things such as;

• Work
• Fitness 
• Reading 
• House chores 
• Socializing (parties, having coffee with friends, after work catch ups)
• D&D
• Dance 
• Time to ourselves (self care)
• Browsing social media
• Watching TV
• Sewing 
• Writing
• Wind down routines 
• Dates
• Cooking and eating 

We wouldn’t give up any of the other activities we do (they all contribute to us having awesome and healthy lives) but we also want to make sure we have regular sex and kink; pretty much the same as you do. 

It Comes Down To Time And Priorities

We find the solution to having enough time for kink is choosing what to prioritize, and managing how much time we spend on other things. 

As an example, we make our fitness time efficient by doing circuit training, and spending less than 30 minutes in a workout. 

For cooking, we save time by doing batch cooking or meal prep in the weekends, so we just need to heat up our food after work, as opposed to spending an hour or more doing the whole cooking thing.

We still have “cooking dates” in the weekends, so we can enjoy cooking and eating tasty meals, but we find that on weeknights it’s much easier to have prepped meals ready to go. 

We do dance classes once a week, and when life is good and we’re both healthy, maybe having a dance or two in the kitchen after work. 

And at the moment, we’re testing going without television or Netflix twice to three times a week, in order to have more time doing things like rope practice or scenes. 

We used to schedule our scenes during the weekends, but because we also have social lives which tend to take place in the weekend, we can’t always do that, so now we’re re-prioritizing our weeknights. 

The Challenge of NOT Turning On The Television

I’m not going to lie, this is easier said than done!

Social norms are a big thing, and we find that people often default to going home at the end of the day, fucking around on social media, making dinner, watching Netflix, and going to sleep. 

That’s what our workmates talk about, and it’s very socially reinforcing in some ways. “Gosh, that sounds nice,” we think. 

And some days, that is ALL we want to do. 

There’s this level of “internal resistance” we need to push through to get whatever kinky activity we want to do started. We’re feeling tired and lazy after work, and think maybe we can’t be bothered. 

But we know that once we push through that resistance (if it’s just tiredness and laziness and not actually a really bad day) then we’ll be fine, and the fun of the scene will take off. 

So actively scheduling it and sticking to that schedule is a really helpful thing to do. 

We’re doing what we find to be “lighter, easier scenes” on the weeknights, and if we do want to do a particularly intense scene, we might save that for when we have a day off afterwards to recover and process. 

And of course, the day after a scene, we DO often just have a quiet night after work and watch Netflix. Down time is a wonderful thing. So is catching up on sleep. 

If I had to go one step further and free up yet MORE time and attention for kink, I think I’d experiment with less overall screen time; meaning, I’d try to cut down on time on my phone, laptop, or social media. 

Based on what my phone tells me about my usage, I think if I were to have one or two “screenless days” as an experiment, I’d probably find I had far, far more time to do other things than I realize!

Adding Power Exchange and D/s

We find in our relationship that having some level of kink and power exchange in each day is essential, so we work in little bits of power exchange each day.

We do this through having specific kinds of interaction; on weekends, I often pick out what my pet is going to wear during the day, and on weekdays, we have after work catch ups that have a very D/s dynamic.

My pet will bring me a coffee in just the way that I like, and she’ll either sit on my lap or kneel beside my chair while I pet her. 

If I want to, I might tell her to change into a particular outfit after work. 

She asks permission to come to bed, and sometimes I’ll “demand a toll” just because I can. I’m like that sometimes. 

Thus far, we find these strategies to be working pretty well. We’ve had kinky happenings every week since we’ve begun using these strategies, and that helps to keep that kinky appetitie satisfied. 

We want the fitness, the time with friends, to have accomplished the chores, our hobby time, AND the great sex and kink. 

And so far, this is working. 

So; what do you do? How do you prioritize and make sure you get enough kink in your life? 

I’d be fascinated to see your strategies in the comments, and I’m sure other people would benefit too.